Daisy:
My mom always told me that when I grew up, I needed to find a job where people would
pay me to speak.
Mom:
Sí, yo te decía que siempre tenías que trabajar donde la gente hablara mucho porque tú eras muy platicadora. (Yes. I used to tell you that you had to work where people would get paid for a living because you were always chatty.)
Daisy:
My name is Daisy, and this podcast is an audio letter to the English-obsessed 18-year-old-kiddo who did not know if she would be able to finish her education because there were not many Mexican border commuters who were, well, like her.
My story as a border commuter started almost the same way as any other Mexican kid born on the border.
With a family outing to shop in Cielo Vista, un McDonald's y de vuelta pa' la casa.
Although my relationship with the States went deeper than a Happy Meal.
My relationship with the US started...because of the language, and my dad remembers about it quite well.
Dad:
Aprender inglés desde los 6 años ya tú estabas ya en inglés y estabas constantemente y tú querías irte para allá, o sea, en ti se veía eso y como yo sí veía que era mucho el interés, pues yo siempre te dije que que si eso era tu sueño, yo te iba a acompañar a ese sueño hasta llevarlo a una realidad. (Learning english since you were 6 years old. You were already in English classes and you stayed consistent, and you wanted to move to the US. You could see it in you that you had a lot of interest and I said that if that was your dream, I would accompany you in that dream until we made it true.)
Daisy:
Many Mexican nationals born close to the border come into contact with the English language from an early age.
My earliest memory of when my fascination for English started is watching a certain young wizard movie when I was a child, and noticing that the way they spoke was visually interesting.
Then I noticed the lips did not match the words, and that is the day that I found out about movies being translated to different languages.
Deciding in studying en el otro lado never seemed odd, and in my case it almost felt logical.
I had pushed myself so hard to practice English until my accent was barely noticeable.
Mayra Morales (Sister):
Desde chiquita que nos metieron a todas en la misma escuela de inglés, nosotros sacábamos el 10 en el papel, pero Daisy hablaba y lo escribía y lo palpitaba. Entonces, desde ahí supe dije, "No, Daisy no va a estar ya aquí en México ella va directo para El Paso." (Since we were kids, they had us in the same English academy, we would get an A on paper but Daisy would speak it, and write it, and felt it. So, from then I knew, “no, Daisy is not staying in Mexico, she’s going directly to El Paso.”)
Daisy:
And it was not a rare comment to hear that the way I dressed, the things I liked, or the way I expressed myself were not Mexican enough. Lili, my fellow border commuter, has heard some other ones.
Liliana (border commuter)
People say that I am "too Americanized."
Daisy:
Often, because of my constant use of English on social media, people would tell me, "Pos' pensé que eras gringa."
Comments like this always confused me.
On one hand, looking like a gringa had such a positive connotation, and on the other hand, not being Mexican enough made me question if this was in my doing or my environment.
Liliana (border commuter)
There were times where I was like, I don't know where to find the balance of like, yes I am Mexican and yes, I am kind of a little bit American now, but at the same time, I'm like, I'm not American, you know, I'm still an international student. I don't want to pretend to be something I'm not.
Daisy:
From a young age, I constantly questioned my identity and grew up with the dilemma of “is it okay that I feel so at home when I'm away from it?”
As the moment of becoming a border commuter approached, my identity questioning went quieter, and planning my future occupied all my headspace.
Just like that, I said yes to crossing the border every day to pursue my college studies, and joining the 1% of the population seeking better opportunities across the border. I talked to other students in my situation, and a lot of what they said felt like an extension of my thoughts.
Luis (border commuter):
Well, I already had my bachelor's degree, and yet I wasn't able to have savings. So that's why I thought that as I grew up in Juarez, I knew that if you grew up in Juarez you have the possibility to be a border commuter. So that's why I took the decision to study a Masters' in the United States.
Karol (border commuter):
And then my mom was always like pushing me to do the application because I was scared. And she even contacted the administration office and she asked for information. I knew that I wanted to come to UTEP but I was scared to do that because I didn't know if I was going to be able to do it. She and my brother gave me the enough courage to just trust in myself. And then as a congratulations, she drove me to a restaurant and then we ate and she was very proud of me. I mean like she was the one that was always encouraging me to to do this stuff that I wanted to do.
Alejandro (border commuter):
I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life. And a friend of mine offered me like a tour. “Hey, would you like just uh would you like to come to my college which is El Paso Community college just to like hang out and to see if you would like to change colleges?”
Daisy:
Now, before I start explaining the process of enrolling as a Mexican national in a US college, I want to make the disclaimer that every student's process is different. Circumstances and required paperwork may vary, and the following comes from my experience and should not be taken as a guide. It is only to understand what I, as a Mexican national who commutes the border every day did, and for the audience who is not familiar with this population.
I had the fortune, like other border commuters, of knowing people who had done it.
For me, they were my two older sisters.
They had also enrolled in my first college, the El Paso Community College.
The first step is to check online if the college you're planning to attend is approved by the SEVP or the Student and Exchange Visitor Program. EPCC is one of them.
When enrolling, foreigners must present evidence of English proficiency with their results of their English as a foreign language test, also called TOEFL. I had not taken this test, but a few of my border commuter friends had.
Luis (border commuter):
They ask you for this exam, that is the TOEFL. Sometimes you can get a subject that you are familiar with, but sometimes you might get a subject that you don't know anything about, so...
Karol (border commuter):
I remember that I cried. Like, the night before the exam, because I've never faced the TOEFL, I never faced the TSI.
Daisy:
The next best choice was to go through the placement exam for the intensive English program that Valle Verde has available.
Based on these results, you are directed on how many courses you have to attend to make sure your mastery of the language is enough to start your college career.
I was placed in the last course of the program, and the next step was to take my results to the EPCC Office of International Students so that they would know that I was accepted in the program.
After this, with the help of my international advisors in Valle Verde, I had to pay a fee for my SEVIS number. Take the SEVIS number as your social security number, but for foreign students.
This number is the registry of your academic journey as an international student.
Now, I wish this was the last step.
But it is not.
After paying for your SEVIS, your international advisor will issue you an I-20. Which will be linked to your SEVIS number.
Your I-20 is the physical proof of your reason to commute. It is a letter size two-page document that you carry with you every time you intend to go to classes.
Your I-20 states the permit you are under. And if you did not know, there are different types of international students. Those who commute and those who live inside the US.
Yes, you can most likely live in the US while pursuing your career, but I had to stay home.
A lot of Mexican nationals cannot afford or simply choose not to live in the United States.
When you decide to live in Juarez while being a student, your international advisor will register your I-20 as a part-time student because you're not allowed to do full-time when you're a border commuter.
At the time I enrolled and got my I-20, my status was an F-3, which is the status that EPCC offers to Mexican students who go back home at the end of the day.
Coming close to the last steps, once you have acceptance from your college, a SEVIS number, and an I-20, now you need to go back to your country of citizenship and apply for a student visa in the consulate.
If you're planning on doing this under a specific timeline, be careful, as applying for a visa or a permit will never mean that you will actually get it.
And I have come to learn this the hard way.
Once your visa gets approved and it's mailed to you, the very last step is to get an I-94 permit. This you can get at one of the ports of entry, meaning one of the bridges.
You can check online for the requisites, but for border commuters, they regularly just ask for your I-20 and your recently acquired student visa.
If you have ever traveled in the states, you'll remember these little paper permits. The I-94 is a traveling permit valid usually for a limited amount of time, unless you're a border commuter who is pursuing a studying career.
Student border commuters have the privilege of getting a D/S printed on their permits. This indicates "duration of status", which means that as long as they maintain their status or stay enrolled in school, they can continue to commute the border so often.
Something nobody tells you about this process is that it is a bit intimidating and by a bit, I mean a lot.
Your intentions can never be any other than to study and come back home. So, if you dream of pursuing a future after, advisors and people in general will highly advise on keeping those quiet, as you are only a student when you cross the border.
After all these steps, I became a border commuter. Only I had never done it on my own, and I had to learn when and how.
I had one of my sisters who had done the intensive program before me teach me the literal ways.
Before we drove, it was my dad who would take us from home to the America's Bridge, meaning the Libre Bridge.
Dad:
Trataba de acompañarlas hasta, pues lo más que podía en el puente, hasta medio puente, o inclusive ya cruzando para Estados Unidos. (I tried to walk you as far as I could, halfway or even crossing all the way to the US.)
Daisy:
He would drop us on the Mexican side, and we would walk over the structure, head into border customs, and wait in the line to present our papers, and cross to take a bus to school.
Now, that is just one sentence, but the actions being described...
The border, and specifically the Juarez-El Paso region, is a big desert. For better or for worse, both sides are doomed with seasons.
If it's summer, you will feel it.
And if it's winter, your plumbing will feel it too.
I started my commuting experience without a car. So, I went through a very wide array of weather.
And sometimes I had to endure it all while standing up, waiting in the line outside the border customs building.
I used to love cozy winters until I had to wait outside on the line for two hours to cross at 6:00 a.m. so that I could walk to my bus stop and wait a bit more for my bus to take me to school.
Often, while I waited for my bus in front of the zoo, I would see other college students who would speak Spanish.
And I dreamed of being their friend, and we all would complain about being commuters.
Later, I found that very rarely were any of those people Mexican Nationals, and most were just Mexican-American.
Imagine forcing yourself to pursue an education in a foreign place for a limited amount of time every day.
Finding people who spoke your language and finding out they understood your language, but not your feelings.
Because, in the end, they had something you did not.
They were allowed to want more.