At this point in my life, I have made peace with the reminders about my status. So, there is no point in reminding you about it either. .... Summer break of 2023 was close. And so was the expiration date of my EAD card. I had to act quickly and I had very few ideas on how to do so.
I had been doing a good job of my first employment at KTEP, so when I pitched the only viable route, they agreed to explore it. So when I pitched the only viable route, they agreed to explore it. From a past workshop "future steps after OPT", I had gotten the number of an attorney's office and after back and forth discussion, I paid to start filling out paperwork to possibly get a work permit sponsored by the radio site.
Unfortunately, the position I was in was not permanent. And the exploration of this route had a very short lifespan. I would love to say that I was surprised, but in the back of my head I was always set out for failure. And having this kind of negative comments in your head is actually not uncommon for border commuters. Karol: Like I told you, I'm always telling myself that I can do more than I always do,
...but I think there are times where we as humans, we become our own enemies. "I'm not enough for this", "I'm not good at this", "I'm not going to make it". I mean like for me, right now my biggest dilemma is that I don't have on-campus employment. That really stresses me out because I graduate in two years. So, if I don't have an on-campus employment now and I don't look for an internship, I don't know what I'm going to do after school.
And it really distracts me from doing my things, like doing my homework or else, but I always do it because I know that I'm responsible for doing my homework, and I know that I'm responsible for doing the things that I need to do. Daisy: I had about a week full of doubt, crying at night, not knowing if I had anything else to do.
And worrying about being a disappointment because I wanted to believe that someone somewhere with my same struggles was probably doing a much better job. In the last month of my OPT, I I had spoken to several professors who were curious about me doing a master's degree. And in talking to the ones that had inspired me through my career, I decided I would.
Dr. Frank Perez (Professor): I think it's easy as a faculty member to forget what it's like to be a student. I remember 9/11. I was already a faculty member here and there were students that were getting to the bridge at 4:00 or 5:00 in the morning. They'd be like, "No, I wake up at 2:00 or 3:00, so I can leave my house at 3:00, so I can be at the bridge by 4:00, so I can hope to cross by 7:00." And, that's admirable, I mean, that someone would invest that kind of time, energy, and effort to get to class. I tell my students, I can't imagine getting a degree in Spanish,
so, I can only imagine how daunting it is for someone to come and say, "I'm going to get my degree in English", if English isn't their first language. Daisy: The application was a fever dream. I hardly remember anything I did because all I had in my mind was that I had to come up up with another plan to prolong my time in the states. And so I just continued typing.
After emailing the graduate school and my future graduate academic advisor, I wrote a letter to be admitted; and after a couple of weeks, I had gotten accepted into the Master's program. This, just a year after graduating from my Bachelor's. Thankfully, one of my peers at my job site was also doing a Master's degree, so I often would bug him with questions on what to do.
It felt a little less lonely. Even though he was not an international or a border commuter, company is something I highly value after years of not having time to afford making friends because of the constant rushing. During the summer, after my OPT had run out, I started another process, a different one now.
Graduate students have the opportunity to do Teaching Assistant or Research Assistance for other teachers, meaning helping grading papers or helping and assisting with whatever the research requires. I was offered the opportunity and quickly applied for on-campus employment. On-campus employment is a different kind of employment from CPT or OPT.
Since somebody on campus requires you, and this may not totally be related to your degree. CPT also requires you to have been enrolled for a year before you apply. On-campus employment does not. When I was approved for the employment opportunity and classes were due to start, I was left overthinking again but this time about how prepared I felt to be a teaching assistant.
I was appointed as a TA for public speaking. Now, I love public speaking, but I was not sure about the teaching part, so I often spoke to my boss on the radio about it. I was also nervous about having to teach a class three times a week, while still volunteering part-time at the radio site, and being a graduate student on top. I kept telling myself, I had done worse.
But I hadn't. Teaching turned into one of my favorite moments of the day. There were days when I even considered becoming a teacher myself, but due to the fact that I wanted to strictly teach public speaking, the picture was a bit unclear. I was already doing a degree I had never thought about doing, so...I was not looking to make things even more complicated.
I told myself I would go back to this idea in the future if my legal situation or life allowed it. My first semester teaching, volunteering, and being a Master's student flew by. I was doing decent academically, and time even allowed me to hang out with my radio peers.
Arely (friend from KTEP): You try to do your best to be here, to be present in the place that you want to be, voluntarily, because at the end of the day you're doing this voluntarily towards your life goal. Tony (friend from KTEP): I'm actually really glad, I'm sure everyone else is really glad that you still choose to come up here because of how you say we are your home, well, yeah, you're like our family member, so we want to see you all the time, and we're glad that you get to come up here and experience a lot of things with us and just like be a part of our lives.
Daisy: Making new friends always seemed like a double-edged sword to me. First, it depended on which side of the border they were located on. And this determined where I would spend most of my time. Then, when I noticed that most of my close friends were in El Paso...I got happy.
As this was what I had been looking for, but it also felt very isolating when I would spend the weekend in Juarez, back home, and my world in El Paso would continue its route without me in it. Charlize (friend from KTEP): You know you have to take more things into consideration that we don't, and you have to adjust to stricter schedules. Daisy: I knew sometimes my friends would have to keep my commuting in mind to make plans. This thought replaced the shame of asking for rides.
Now, I was able to get places because I was driving, but at the same time I felt like I was limiting the fun because of my commuting. Arely: Because I have to be very conscious of you having to cross, on how early you have to wake up and be ready and everything.
Deeper inside me, I also envied them because they could leave their house 30 minutes before to make it on time, or even be early, and I would have to leave my house two hours in advance to go get a coffee, and sometimes would still manage to be late. Arely: Even if we have weekend commitments and everything, you're like, "Don't worry, I'm there.
I'll be there." And it doesn't matter if you take one, two, or three hours more. I'm very happy that you end up crossing, and that you made that effort just for us to hang out. Daisy: In being a graduate student, I felt like I had added yet another mask to the many I already had.
I was doing my best to feel proud about the level of education I was pursuing, but I always felt self-conscious that the decision was only taken in hopes of prolonging the chance of me at trying another time for a life in the US. And this made me feel less worthy. In my first semester of the degree, when the options of doing a thesis were given.
I was very scared as I never had an interest in doing some of the sort. The advice was to do a final project and something close to my body. I always thought I would do research on music or audio, but everything in my mind at that point was the amount of time that I had invested in my career and how complex life was because I was a border commuter.
The official trigger that detonated my entire focus, came to me one day while I was in inspection at the border. A CBP officer asked me, "What would you do if you had American citizenship? How would your life have changed if you never had needed to do so many processes?"
I personally don't know what the officer expected to hear, but when I told him that...I wouldn't have done anything incredible. I would just have enjoyed life. His face seemed disappointed. And when I drove off, I broke into tears. For 12 years, I had complained, but never spent time thinking about how life would look if it were all different.
I was so proud of my nationality that I never gave it up thinking how life would be easier with a different one. I just complained that it wasn't. The encounter moved me to tell not only my story, but also the stories of other border commuters that I had met along the way. Alfredo (border commuter): I was a border commuter from the year 2007 to the year 2023. Luis (border commuter): Well, I've been a border commuter for 2 1/2 years now.
Oscar (border commuter): Actualmente, tengo siendo estudiante internacional…alrededor de 2 años. (I have been an international for almost 2 years.) Lili (border commuter): And I have been a border commuter since I did my Bachelor's degree, that was back in 2019.
Daisy: And how and why we navigate the hardships that the duality of identities bring into the life we chose, because our home country limits our development. In finding the company of others through this project, I also sought to bring others involved in my life
to remind me that while I was overthinking because of paper renewals and legal deadlines, they did not in fact think that I was a bad daughter… Mom: No, está bien que tú termines tus estudios y el tiempo que tú necesites para tu maestría, está muy bien. (No, it’s okay that you finish your studies and all the time that your Master’s needs, is okay.) Dad: Tú simplemente empezaste a utilizar tu tiempo en tu proyecto, sabemos y sabíamos que iba a pasar eso, pero en el tiempo que estás con nosotros, pues lo disfrutamos al máximo. (You simply started to use your time towards that, we know, and we knew that that was going to happen, but the time that you take for us we take advantage of.) Daisy:…or a bad sister
Mayra (sister): No nos das tiempo, nos das calidad, entonces las pocas veces que te vemos, que son los fines de semana, entonces lo disfrutamos, entre semana no te vemos, pero sabemos que pues es tu trabajo y es tu afición. (You may not give us time quantity, but you give us time quality. So the few time we see you, which is on the weekends, we enjoy it. During the week we may not see you but we know it is your job and your passion.) Daisy: …or a bad friend. Arely (KTEP friend): I think you're one of the few good friends that I have that are actually there for me. Daisy: This year, 2025, I will conclude my journey with my last application to an OPT.
Signing what will be my last I-20 and overthinking the hell out of what my next step in life will be. So before I leave, allow me and my fellow border commuters to tell you how life can change and what to expect when you take on this opportunity, if it ever presents before you.
Your identity as a Mexican might be challenged by strangers or close ones because you pursued a better future, or because the long exposure to a foreign culture will end up altering the way you carry yourself. No, no eres un malinchista ni un creído (No, you’re not a malinchista or a show-off). You just forget words sometimes. Alfredo (fellow border commuter): There's a lot of things that I liked from Mexico that I forgot, like a big one is Day of the Dead.
Alfredo (fellow border commuter): That's my favorite holiday. That's my favorite time of the year. I love it. I love altars. I love thinking about my relatives, and to think that they might come by. I love that. Daisy: Being a part-time student can be limiting. Opportunities might be scarce, but they are out there.
Do not let the assumption of others discourage you from giving your best at being a student because you don't know how to go through employment processes yet. Speaking of employment, ask questions. Yes, you can work in most cases. Ask about it.
Our status has a lot of benefits and sometimes your advisors or school authorities do not have enough time to tell you about all of them, and always stay on top of maintaining your status. Remember that we all have different speeds in life. And while you may take longer than your friends in Juarez to graduate, you're already one step ahead by pursuing this away from home.
Don't spend time dwelling on others' comments or opinions on the life path you chose. Your commuting time on the bridge is not wasted time. All the blood, sweat, and tears will be compensated. Do not wait until you have three late notices on your class record.
Being a Mexican national who commutes the border to attend school is a unique population that faculty often expresses admiration for so that they can help you reach your goals. Dr. Frank Perez (professor): I will do everything I can to work with students regardless of background on whatever issue. So if they come up and say, you know, I'm renewing my visa and I was out of town over summer or whatever, I'm going to be out for a week or something. I'll work with them.
Daisy: If you have a car, be prepared for it to become a mini version of your home. Carry that sweater. Wear comfy and breathable clothes. Immerse yourself in the community. Forget about your accent. Alfredo (fellow border commuter): Having an accent is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of how smart you are because you know more than one language. Daisy: Get into a routine and stick to it.
The experience of being a Mexican national who commutes the border to school is something that stays with you and often teaches you lessons that many are not able to relate to. I am thankful for 12 years of laughs, tears, sleepless nights, unholy amounts of caffeine, rides to hang out before dropping me off at the bridge by 7:00 p.m., or at 1:00 a.m. hangouts when I finally could drive myself.
I am thankful for my parents and sisters who were my biggest supporters when I doubted myself because strangers would question my decision. I am thankful to my friends in Juarez and in El Paso because I never felt like their affection for me depended on my nationality or my goals in life.
I am thankful for my professors who did nothing but inspire me to continue my path through their own. And lastly, I am thankful because I had the opportunity to enjoy the life I wanted. Even when it required sleeping less or filling out more papers.
